Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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