I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
