Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
