Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
