you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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