I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
