Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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