all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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