tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
