I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Randomize
