its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
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