We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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