Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
