best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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