I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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