Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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