if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i wish my penis had a tongue
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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