In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
