dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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