god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
