strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
