I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
