i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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