You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
