New invention idea: vibrating tampons
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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