Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
