Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
