Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
