I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
