therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
