I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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