she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
