We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
