you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
