your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
