that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
