I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
