I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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