oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
