forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
