I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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