Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
