Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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