They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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