She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
