I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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