not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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