I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
