I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
