he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
