I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
